I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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