dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
