I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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