He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
