Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
