So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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