I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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