oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
