i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
