You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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