so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
