Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
