Your mouth is God's brothel.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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