She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
