I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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