he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
