i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
