So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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