I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
