There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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