the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The ass gains better be worth it
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