"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
