just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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