Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
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i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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