i permit you to call me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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