I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
