I cannot find my penis.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
