Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
