He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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