you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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