The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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