is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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