I seem to have left my pride at pride
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
