Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
