So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
