He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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