some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
