I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
