Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
