I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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