I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
