Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
