Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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