Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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