Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
