good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
