Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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