I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
