Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
