drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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