Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
