What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
