Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
