in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
