it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
