I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I believe in your delicious
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
