After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
