My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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