my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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