i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
