This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize