You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
