You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
