She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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