I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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