whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
