how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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