People with herpes should wear stickers.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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