I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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