A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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