Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
