Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What a dumb baby whore.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
