I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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