What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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