Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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