the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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