I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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