just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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