Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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