There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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