I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
