saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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