Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
