I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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