Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
