I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
