He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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