the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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