he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
